my husband is driving my daughter away

She may also believe that by getting divorced, youll finally be able to find the happiness that you deserve. 2. So yes, foster her interests, but cultivate in her an ability to relate to other people and appreciate their interests too. Just saying that I dont consider Buffy the Vampire Slayer a mature, intelligent show. Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. July 2, 2013, 4:06 pm. Youre caught between two people you love, and you have to figure out how to keep the peace. I do believe he is some what of a jerk with the fact that he really doesnt put any effort in to anything she likes though. Should A Parent Love Their Child More Than Their Spouse? Im not sure why people think it makes you a bad parent to tell your kid that you dont enjoy some of the same stuff they enjoy and that they can do that when you arent around. I think its great that he invites her and wants to share his interests with her. You also said that your daughter ~does~ participate in her fathers well-liked activities when he asks (& I do think you can do your part to encourage her participation, if youre not already.). To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Ostensibly through her mother. Neither father or daughter should make disparaging remarks about the other and you shouldnt make disparaging remarks about your husband. Here are 16 ways husbands can unintentionally push their daughters away: It can be difficult to maintain a good relationship between your husband and your daughter, but there are a few things you can do to help. No one ever said that being a parent would be easy, and when your husband and daughter dont get along, it can be especially difficult. Theres got to be at least one thing that the two of them have in common. Watching their relationship blossom into a father-daughter one makes me realize how lucky I was when he became family to us. His GP should be able to refer him to an appropriate local counsellor or he could contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk). Tom Pettys Southern Anthem was the first CD I ever owned. This is NO accident. All of this has tended to push her (and me, to some extent) away from him. WWS, especially You may not see the rewards right away. I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. They had all sorts of questions about those eras of American history, and we watched a couple of documentaries, and then I get my kids coming in and going, Hey, there was a thing on The History Channel this weekend about Salem, and I made my dad watch it! And then in American history, they were studying colonial America just after we read it, and so I get the history teachers going, Holy shit, thank you! July 2, 2013, 12:17 pm. When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. I really think that both your daughter and husband need to learn compromise and I think you are in the very best position to teach this. The eye-rolling and making the daughter feel bad about her interests is not cool. Im sorry, but the father is an asshole. But his way is tearing them apart, to the point where she and I look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him. It cant be. I think the dad most definitely needs to be happy with the daughter he has, and not spend so much energy trying to shame her into being the daughter he wants, So he should act like an adult and not take his frustration out on his daughter by telling her that her interests annoy him. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. When I was growing up, I always watched The Andy Grifith Show, My Three Sons, and Leave it to Beaver, because those were the shows that were on, and I love those shows, but my father didnt force me to watch them, it was just what was on TV at the time. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. lets_be_honest Your biggest enemy when your spouse is driving you crazy is proximity. July 3, 2013, 3:16 am. But science fiction and fantasy can deal with the mature themes with a nuanced perspective- some of the stories in Star Trek were written to to deal with historical events like WWII. You got a long with him just fine before she got in to this stage in life, and you need to act like a grown-up every once in a while, because this guys is losing his wife and his daughter, partly because you want to be her friend more than her parent all of the time. Your email address will not be published. July 2, 2013, 12:12 pm. So if you lend your car to your best friend, your sister or even your second cousin, your insurance is most often the insurance that will pay in the event of an accident. Whether it be balance sports with history, Buffy with science, it doesnt matter. How easy it must be to cultivate a close relationship and enjoy time together when you both like the same stuff! It took me a VERY long time to develop my own interests and become my own person I think youre right to encourage your daughter to be who she is and like what she likes. First let me say that my daughter is getting married and her dad is no help. Yeah, ditching a piano recital where the child is performing a talent or whatever is different from rolling your eyes at a TV show they like. I thought you might like it because of x,y, and z. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. July 2, 2013, 3:46 pm. July 2, 2013, 11:50 am. (And those are two things I didnt care for as a kid that I really like now.) Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. Especially a board game like Cranium where everyone can shine in what theyre good at, and it can be good to pair up with someone youre different from. Also, now I know how to fix stuff. If the emotional and sexual connections were rewarding, you may have been intrigued by the Houdini-like escape pattern. By not actively encouraging your daughter to spend time with her father, even if it means doing things she may not actively be interested in, you keep her from being the full person she could be. lets_be_honest Scifi and fantasy have an adult audience for a reason (and a lot of the scientists on your husbands shows were inspired to study it because of Star Trek and the like). I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. Her mission is to share practical and realistic parenting advice to help the parenting community becoming stronger. July 3, 2013, 1:09 am, If the Mom is copying her daughters interests with such a vengeance its even more creepy. For example, I taught my theatre kids The Crucible this year. But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? Unfortunately, the old woman fell ill, and Janet had to marry a worthless man in place of her parents' biological daughter to meet the maid's medical expenses. June 30, 2022 by Team The Relationship Notes. But my parents both made an effort to do lots of family things together, even if my brother and I didnt want to. Its not your fault if your partner and daughter dont get along. Finally, try to model the behavior you want to see from your husband and daughter. YUCK. Rather than the lover-partner-wife-prized companion to be loved and cherished and lavished with attention slot. I cried myself to sleep. Theres no reason why reading books and an interest in musicals and playing music make someone uninformed, one persons preference for geography over literature doesnt make them more informed than the other one! Even now, as an adult, when he says he doesnt care and I can pick whatever, I know that isnt really true I put on say yes to the dress and hell be like, ok, well, not this. I cant believe you didnt address that. Sometimes those things just happen. I dont care that much about baseball, but my dad is a fanatic so I played catch with him in the backyard and had fun because we were spending time together. I was bookish, nerdy and fangirly so I really connect with the LWs daughter. So I cant agree that it is never ok. Theres a true difference between good natured humor and cruelty (even if some people claim it is the the former when it is really the latter) and kids need to be exposed to the former. I would just like to briefly brag about my dad and how were going to this awesome music festival together this summer!!! My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. He rolls his eyes not at her accomplishments, but her timewasters A rather big difference. I totally get it, but shes just got to snap out of it and team up with Dad. How the States Got Their Shapes for one. Spyglassez I had and to some extent probably still have some self-esteem issues that stemmed from my dads iffy parenting. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this difficult situation. (There was plenty of that too, but I felt like dismissing my nerdy interests hit the hardest because I felt like science-fiction, fantasy, history, video games and books taught me a lot of personal lessons about life, loss, and persevering. We think theyre awesome. It was infuriating. While I do agree that you should be encouraging your daughter to share your husbands interests with him (and that includes showing an interest yourself), LW, I think a lot of this falls onto your husband doing kind of a crappy job at parenting. That made me feel really loved and gave me a sense of confidence that is so, so important in a young girl (well, anyone, really). EL ESPIRITU DETRAS DE LA PUERTA - Facebook No. And, yes, you ARE being greedy, because as much as your daughter may genuinely enjoy your time together pursuing interests you both share, she is missing out on a relationship with her dad and all the things he can teach her through his interests. Huge!! Tell you daughter its important she spend time with her dad and why. He would watch Full House or something with us. Did nobody notice this in the OPs letter? Ooh, that was common ground for my dad and sisters and I. Mini golf. If your daughter has seen how much pain and suffering can come from being in an unhappy marriage, she may not want to put herself through the same thing later on down the road. ! He rolls his eyes and tries to get them to stop talking about stuff that theyre interested in. It is as if some hidden combination of childhood trauma and life experience made them terrified to owe their partners anything. honeybeenicki (Its not in the joking way, either, but in the Temperance never gets to choose another movie again way.). Interested in science? My parents werent interested in that stuff. They have to come at this from a position of mutual respect. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected]. Or its hilarious I have seriously never watched football in my life, so I once got called on to do a touchdown dance. What to do? Hubby drives drunk with our kids! - today.com lets_be_honest So because you think something is a timewaster you get to mock people for their interests at 12. Show interest in his interests. Contact Us. They clearly saw that parent as the good guy, and are unconsciously playing out the same part, unable to stop giving even when it cannot be reciprocated. Saying his mom walked out because he hates him. Heck, I even had a stringer attached to my waders. Just like if she says like every other word someone needs to point that out and keep pointing it out until she does something about it. Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Twelve year old take everything personally, so if hes saying I hate your favorite book, its so annoying, shes probably hearing, Youre stupid for liking that, even when its not what he means. Im going to disagree here, Wendy, and say that I think your response is filtered through your own happy, loving experience. If your husband wants a good relationship with his daughter he must first quit disparaging her and her interests and he must quit rolling his eyes. Not from Scranton either! lets_be_honest It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy. But for practical advice: board games. Seriously, have you heard their new stuff? I dont comment a lot but wanted to say I often like your comments. Seriously, this guy is an asshole. And this is his responsibility too. I know, Buffy was the weakest link in Buffy (is that irony?). Tell them in detail what you like about them. In reality, I think its probably somewhere between the two extremes and I think the LW has a chance to strengthen her bond with her husband and the bond between child and dad. He and I read together every night when i was little, and I remember reading beauty and the beast with him, which I cant imagine was his first choice. Lastly, the article idea isnt a bad one, but hes going about it all wrong. That sounds awful, Im, so sorry. HA! I wonder, though, if it would seem less like forcing if maybe the mother and father both liked to camp? A my worldview is the best worldview type of parenting works out for no one, as my mother found out. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. Your husband sounds like a jerk. Older and (hopefully) wiser Really so good and so true! Hes putting her down. That is why he is pushing her to explore new things. He should show her that he can make an effort to enjoy her interests and encourage her in the same spirit to enjoy his. I am a much better, well adjusted adult because he did this instead of pretending to like whatever show I was watching at the time. Apparently its socially okay to go to games and paint your face and do whatever sports fans do, but Buffy marathons arent. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad.

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